Crap the Life Blog

Dr. Neder:

I read one of your articles about how to keep my boyfriend interested in me sexually. You said to try to change things up but honestly I feel like I just want to be myself because if he fell in love with who I am then why should I change just for him to show interest in me again?

He says that he would like a challenge and play hard to get sometimes and to tell him no more but, I feel like I’m playing games and I’m not exactly into it. Please try to help me figure out a way to get his interest back for me without me having to feel like I have to put on an act and be someone I’m not.

====================

Hello!

Let me tell you a little story:

One day, this inventor created the world’s greatest mousetrap. Never before had anyone ever seen anything so impressive! He was very proud of his work and just knew that he’d become a multi-millionaire because of how great his new invention was.

The problem was that nobody bought it.

If it was so great, why didn’t anyone buy it? Simple: it cost $200 each and was so complicated to use that nobody could figure it out.

So, rather than change his mousetrap, he went about trying to convince everyone how great it was, but they didn’t listen to him. They said nice things to placate him, but in fact, they still didn’t buy his mousetrap.

Finally, as an old man at the end of his life, he was just bitter that everyone else was “stupid” and just couldn’t see his vision.

.and everyone kept buying mousetraps for $1 that were “good enough”.

So, why did I tell you that story? You’re becoming that inventor. You’re convinced that your boyfriend should just like everything about you without you having to change or grow or do anything. You shouldn’t give him what he’s asking for because it means you have to do some work.

So, one day, he’ll dump you and go find some woman that WILL give him what he wants. Then, you’ll be left bitter and unhappy, believing that he’s “stupid” for not knowing what he had. Unfortunately, he’ll never know what he had because all he could see (and remember) was that girlfriend that didn’t want to put out any effort to be what he needed and she figured it should just be “good enough”.

There is nothing in this world that is more wasteful that this sort of attitude. It’s not an “act” or a put-on or anything like that to be what your boyfriend wants you to be! In fact, it’s all about relationship management.

Sure, you don’t want to have to be the only one that works hard to manage your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it takes no work whatsoever! Every relationship takes work and you know exactly what work yours needs. You should be very happy that your boyfriend actually TOLD you what he wants - many guys (and girls!) just think you should already know and get angry when you don’t!

Now, with all of that said, I’d caution you to get the REAL story from your boyfriend. Honestly, I seriously doubt that he always wants you to tell him “no”. Maybe he wants that once in a great while, but trust me; no man wants to have to constantly work for his partner’s affection!

This is likely his way of telling you something else. What that is, I don’t specifically know. Perhaps he wants to you to take on a character that challenges him where he has to become a little more aggressive with you or something like that.

Be careful about reading in the wrong thing here - go talk to him instead! Communication is THE aphrodisiac. Get a very clear picture of what he wants and then simply become that woman. You’ll never lose him if you do this, but you’re actually showing him the door if you don’t.

Best regards…

————————————————-

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s Worldtm” (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man’s perspective. Having written 3 books (”Being a Man in a Woman’s World?” series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.

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Lots of men often ask me if meeting women on the street and in public isn’t gradually becoming obsolete in today’s modern society with the growing popularity of the internet. My answer to that is: Have vehicles become obsolete since the growing popularity of aviation?

The truth is that the internet serves it purpose. Is there really any method to which you can compare which can have you meeting women from as close as the girl next door on your street as far as all four corners of the globe, all with a single click? Probably not.

But just like everything else the internet as a method for meeting women has its advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, there is no comparison to seeing a woman in the flesh who you admire and plotting the course to meeting her and ultimately becoming a part of her life. Of course this too can be done on the internet; but one big difference on the internet, the woman is virtual.

Over the past few months I have taken a look at a few of the sites out there which have crept up to fill this void which introduce men and women to each other and all the ones which I have seen all seem to serve their purpose to some effect. As a matter of fact, I have known people who have met their perfect matches on some of these sites and have even gone on to do the ultimate. But on the other hand I am all to familiar with people who have come away from the internet experience so beaten, broke, frustrated and battered because they have been disappointed, disillusioned and let down, by such things as the photo collectors those e-women who only collect photographs of people they “meet” on the net or those women who supply fake photographs that bear no resemblance to who they actually look like. Then they are those who like Miss Haversham from the old novel “Great Expectations” having been spurned and burned by relationships in the past they set out to trawl the net causing as much pain as possible to every man whom she happens to come across - and the internet is full of these women.

In this age of political correctness and women’s liberation these women are more than likely wreaking vengeance on the spineless men of the net as vengeance for the absence of men approaching them off of it.

I have come to verify that experiences on the internet aren’t too different for the women either. However, there’s one caveat for the fairer sex: the men that these ladies hope to and do attract are so desperate for attention and anything else on offer that they are willing to jump through every hoop which the women put in front of them so that they can have the chance to be with these women - and these hoops are in no short supply!!! These men are willing to pander (virtually and really) to these women’s’ every need, and numerous net-women have to practically fight these characters off with a stick.

Some examples of this are like telling them such things as the kind of things they should do in the photographs and the style of photo that they should supply in order to obtain “special consideration.” Even though the ones that they themselves have on show are often generic. As well as cross-examining these men akin to a prosecutor to an accused - all to eventually declare a mistrial.

For this, special consideration, these men are rewarded by the women in due course neither showing up for meetings, nor returning email and calls and similar things, and maybe some verbal abuse, if they are lucky.

Some of the women seem like the perfect women who you really would want to meet and introduce to mother but then you realise that you have been more or less automatically eliminated as soon you read the profile. Now that’s honesty, but what are you then supposed to do run away with your tail between your legs or stick around, call the bluff, face the challenge and try to convince her otherwise? And suppose you do in the most unlikely event convince her, what about the fundamental point that never would have worked in the first place.

Then they are the ones that you never hear from and those are the high-quality ones. I know a single friend of mine whose phone was always ringing off the hook with calls from these women but he meets few of them and has never got past first base as he would wish with any of them. We figured out it was because he was giving these women too much “special consideration” on his web space and profile. After he ceased that desperate practice all this has started to change.

Look, the internet can be and is a fun place to meet women, and it seems like this will remain so for quite some time, however it is helpful not to take the women who you meet on the there too seriously, that is until you get personally to know them. Additionally the odds are and can be - stacked in your favour away from the modem.

One thing that men must remember: is that on the internet it is easy for any man to “approach” any woman and tell her anything. But it takes a special man to actually approach a woman on in person.

A lot of the skills that will be prove very helpful if you really want to get into this thing you can find in the book, “The Lazy Man’s Guide to Seduction: How To Meet & Seduce Today’s Modern Women”. It’s an information packed guide about approaching, meeting and seducing women in the modern world and puts you at a definite advantage when it comes to building proper relationships with women. It will save men loads of time in their online as well as offline pursuits with women.

Mark Rosmar is the owner of http://www.lazy-seduction.info. His website is geared for men who are interested in meeting and seducing women along with the landmark book, “The Lazy Mans Guide To Seduction.”

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On the hit TV show, “Desperate Housewives,” Gabrielle Solis has an affair with her gardener, John, a muscular, handsome seventeen-year-old high school boy. Stunning, passionate Gabrielle looks to John for excitement and escape from her dull, suburban life, her marriage to her husband, Carlos, having reached some untenable plateau. Though she’s gotten everything she’s ever wanted - a beautiful home, a devoted (if not jealous) husband, and plenty of leisure time to enjoy what many would see as ideal - Gabrielle’s dissatisfaction continues to mount, until at one point she says, “Sometimes, I think I wanted the wrong things.” This, of course, includes John, who’s grown more and more attached to Gabrielle over time, an otherwise healthy response were it not for certain major obstacle, like his inexperience and her egotism.

Clearly, this type of illicit amour happens every single day. We hear about it on the news and read about it in the papers. As it should be, laws honor the younger and reproach the older for taking advantage of such innocence, even if the attraction is mutual and consensual. Desire, however, is irrational and has nothing built into it to safeguard against such entanglements. On the outside, it is easy to condemn Gabrielle for her transgression, for leading the boy on. Yet, where the heart leads us, we will surely follow and usually to our own detriment.

Though vast differences in ages aren’t necessarily deal-breakers, differences in the levels of emotional maturity are. It is not surprising then that the roles are flipped, that Gabrielle acts like the teenager and John the adult. For all of her worldliness, Gabrielle’s character is set up to behave with selfish abandon and she does, taking whatever she can from John whenever she can get it. This is less an uncommon situation than a tragic one, especially when John ends up falling in love. As it is set up, the lines are clearly drawn - John will never get what he wants from the adulterous Gabrielle and Gabrielle will never be able to give John what he needs. Rather than confront the life she’s chosen, Gabrielle uses John for her own pleasure, a way to tamp down the numbing pain of a loveless marriage.

Sadly, people like Gabrielle Solis exist, on TV and in the real world; and it is up to you to spot them - and ultimately run the other way. Many people come with gorgeous pedigrees - ivy-league degrees, MBA’s and PhD’s and LLD’s, expensive tastes, cultivated minds, glib tongues, beautiful apartments, hard bodies, disposable income. And while these people look excellent on paper, if they cannot offer anything but these things, these mere trappings, either they are as empty as the fancy rooms in their fancy homes.

The worth of any relationship can’t be based solely on diamond rings and new appliances, but must rely on mutual respect and appreciation, qualities without price tags and receipts. Ultimately, if you’re not getting what you want, in bed or in love, then you’ve got to determine if the objects you wake up to are more important than the person you go to bed with. Do not be fooled by material comfort, like Gabrielle, or by the sleight-of-hand seduction, like John. If you do, you might find yourself wondering how you ended up without a heart that never quite belonged to you to in the first place.

David Levinson is a young writer, who explores the mistiness of sexuality and human relationship, writing articles for http://www.edenfantasys.com/, where you can find his other works or discover new sides of intimate feelings for yourself.

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Do you have the just the right support network in place for you?

Look around you now. Do you have people in your life on a daily basis who support your dreams, your goals and your daily activities? Do these people make you laugh, make you smile and help you feel better about yourself? Are these people able to truly listen to your needs, especially it when it comes to your work?

Why is this critical?

Many of us start to question our work after we turn 40, and it can seem threatening to those around us. After all, think about all the years you left early in the morning for work, and came home late at night. You made a good income and never seemed to complain much. Why the sudden need to change NOW, at your age? Well, this is exactly the time when change is needed most. While most jobs and organizations are only concerned about productivity and being effective, those over 40 want more freedom, meaning and clarity in their work. They want to know WHY they are doing the work, and what difference it is making for themselves, and in the greater world.

With the right support network at this point in your life, new ideas can flourish, new dreams can become real, and new energy for life becomes available.

What happens without the right support network?

People go under. They bury their dreams for “someday” (which never comes). They convince themselves to continue doing the same old routine work, and hope that, by some magic, a good fairy will show up with a wand and make things better. If you are honest with yourself, you know this won’t happen.

Do you fire those around you?

You might have to. Does your support network help you move forward towards what you want, or does it hold you back? If the people in your life are holding you back, you will need a new team. Eliminating those in your life who are holding you back is just as important. If the people holding you back happen to be your immediate family, then an urgent meeting is necessary. In this meeting, as in any business meeting, you must tell them you are in a crisis.

Through much reflection, you have discovered that your work no longer fits you. It is time for a new direction. You ask for support and understanding. You explain that, with or without that support, you must go forward with your new ideas and plans. Let them know that if you don’t, you are sure you will die sooner then you planned. Explain that you will do your best to minimize the impact, but you expect that changes will be required. In the short term, there will be a need to downscale the financial requirements of life to accommodate this next journey. If you find you do not have the support you need, you will have to deal with it sooner or later. I suggest that you should set a date within twelve months to do this.

Take the first steps now to build the right network for you.

Make a list of new people you could meet, and or network with, who are interested in the same things you are interested in (your passions) This should be a short list, perhaps six people. Make sure you stay in touch with them weekly. You can meet these people in your neighborhood, in on-line discussion groups, and or at networking events. Make a second list of people who are both interested and supportive in what you want to do. These people will bring you ideas as you start your journey. You’ll need about three of these people. You might have to hire someone - it all depends. You want three people who are not only doing what you want to do and but who are also willing to give you ideas and resources to help on your journey. You can take a class; buy a product, sign up for a newsletter - there are many activities that will help you obtain these ideas. The third step is to find someone who believes in you and your work. This is a person who you might have to pay initially, but who does what you love to do, has great ideas and or products you could use, and - most importantly - sends you business. This is a person who becomes your mentor, your friend, your coach - someone who is interested in your welfare and your success.

What about those you fired?

You won’t have time to worry about the OLD team. You will be too busy building your NEW team. At this stage you won’t be looking back. You will have begun to build your new life and your new work.

What’s at stake?

If you don’t take action after 40 to discover and do the work you love, your life will become routine, dull and lacking in passion. This is the sure path to retirement, followed by a quick death. If you do take action, suddenly you will have new passion and new purpose for your life, and those in it. You will cherish each day and totally use each one. The best way to get started and to build momentum is with the efforts of a new team, a new support network.

Examine your team now.

Fire those members who will not be useful for the next stage of your journey, and build a new team that will be just perfect for you - right now.

As always, I’ll be cheering you on as you go

Craig Nathanson

Craig Nathanson is the author of P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day and a coaching expert who works with people over forty. Craig’s new E-book, Discover and live your passion 365 days a year is a workshop in a box designed to help busy adults go insane with their work. Craig’s systematic approach, the trademark “Ten P” process,'’ helps people break free and move toward the work they love. Visit Craig’s online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can take a class, get more ideas through Craig Nathanson’s books and CD’s, get some private coaching over the phone or read other stories of mid-life change and renewal.

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Andrew Jalbert’s novel, West Across the Board, chronicles one man’s journey back to the Florida Keys to see his dying friend. For both men, it is a journey of lifetime reflection and liberation. In 1934, at a saloon in the Florida Keys, Lazaro, a passionate and brilliant fisherman, meets Dominic, a civil engineer graduate. The two young men instantly bond over a game of chess. The game would become more than recreation. It would become the cement that binds the two through a lifetime of love, loss, forgiveness, and redemption.

With such themes as the beauty and danger of nature entwining itself with the strength and frailties of human nature, a story of growth and survival unfolds. Drawing on Physicists research into the Chaos Theory, Dominic, a pragmatist, tries to find order from tragic events that affected the choices both he and Lazaro made. Lazaro, a man forever changed from the loss of his father during a storm at sea, reflects on his life in a more traditional sense. Dominic tries to find a logical pattern of events, while Lazaro buries his need to resolve issues that led to his choice to leave the Florida Keys for a life in Wisconsin. It is only when the two men come together that Lazaro is able to confront his past.

As historical fiction, the author delivers a carefully crafted and detailed account of life on the Florida Keys. The story is rich in the sights, sounds, and description of life in the 1930’s. Drawing on real events from the past, the fictional story is well implemented within its historical context. The historical and nautical details illustrated within the story are well researched and accurately presented.

West Across the Board delivers a well crafted tale of two men’s journey back together to find redemption and peace. The history and backdrop of the Florida Keys makes readers feel they are accompanying Lazaro on his journey. I highly recommend the book to readers who enjoy well written historical fiction that delves into the human condition.

Tracy Roberts, Write Field Services

Paperback: 190 pages
Publisher: iUniverse, Inc. (March 28, 2007)
ISBN-10: 0595421946
ISBN-13: 978-0595421947

Tracy Roberts is the Editorial Coordinator for Write For You Field Services. Tracy has a degree in English and over 15 years experience in the writing business. Her work has been published both independently and in numerous collected works with other published writers. website: http://writefieldservices.com/

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Are you running a website and just not getting the sales you were hoping when you first put it up? Are you wondering why people are not buying? Are you wondering what you can do to improve your site and prompt people to start buying your products? Are you starting to think that maybe you are not offering the right products or enough products? If any of these questions apply to you, you are reading the right article. This article will tell you how you can find out the answers to these questions.

The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a great website and a reliable host. It is important that when you are creating your website and pricing your products that you keep your customers in mind. There are many reasons a customer may not be purchasing from you at that very moment. For instance, they may find the price you are currently charging is too high. They may also be simply doing some comparison shopping before making a final decision, if you have great service, products, and prices they will likely return to you. They may have questions that your sales copy doesn’t address.

You also need to keep your websites updated and maintained regularly. Make sure you never have any broken links or images; this can seriously hurt your credibility in visitor’s eyes. You should never have any out dated offers or special on your page either. Make sure that all offers are kept current and fresh, right along with your website. Remember your whole goal is to get visitors and to turn them into paying customers.

Now, if you do all that regularly great. However, if you do that and you still are not producing sales you will need to implement another strategy. This strategy means asking your visitors outright why they are not buying. That is right; you can implement this technique into your website and take the guessing out of trying to figure out why people are not buying and what you can do to change your website or products to cater to your traffic.

You are probably asking, How can I possibly ask my visitors why they are not buying? No, you cannot physically contact them or speak to them to ask the questions, not that you would feel comfortable in doing that anyways. No the key here is make use of an exit survey. This is an excellent technique many websites are using, to improve their services, websites, or find out exactly what their visitors are looking for.

The survey is perfect, because if a visitor leaves without making a purchase, upon exit they will be prompted with a survey that asks them specific questions. You have the ability to define the questions and ask your visitors exactly what you want to know. You can ask questions about specific products; after all, it may generate interest. You can also ask the visitors what specific areas of the website appealed to them. This will give you a good idea of what areas of your website appeals to other people.

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